Life Everyday, by Renee

The Truth About Lying

reneeandjace — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 19:23:13 +0000

Man, parenting is hard. I have two of the greatest kids in the world and I continually feel the burden of keeping them that way. My husband and I are passionate about having our boys be ones of integrity and character so we are trying to be proactive about teaching on things before they have a chance to pop up in our kid’s lives. There is not a night that goes by when I don’t fall into my bed with the same prayer on my lips, “Lord, I can’t do this on my own. I need Your strength and Your wisdom to know how to raise my boys. Help me! Show me what to do!”
One of the topics of discussion in our home as of late is the idea of telling the truth. How do you get your kids to tell the truth at all times? Should they tell the truth at all times (“I don’t like this food and I don’t want to eat it!)? How do you teach them the difference between when to speak truth and when to keep quiet? Is being quiet lying? Where does one draw the line between role playing or pretending and speaking the truth? What constitutes as a lie (ie. when my son doesn’t want to eat anymore and he says he’s “full up to here,” pointing to his eyebrows, even f he’s only taken two bites of his supper)? How nit-picky should one be in regards to truth? Should there be consequences to every lie I catch my son in, big or small? IF I’m diligent about correcting the small fibs, will that make him more aware of the big lies? So many questions that I wrestle with and for which I lack the answers for.
With this in mind, I was chatting with a friend the other day about teaching this issue to our kids. She agreed that she has wrestled with this subject in her family as well. In the course of our conversation, she related a story of how her son, when he was younger, was playing with a friend in the sandbox and he threw sand in his friend’s face. When my friend, his mom, called him inside, she said, “Son, I want you to tell me the truth. Did you throw sand in your friend’s face?” The son replied, “Mom? Do I have to tell the truth? Because whenever I tell you the truth, I get in trouble.” That was a profound story to me. I had tears behind my eyes as she shared with me, even as I do now. How does telling the truth provide my 5 year old with any benefits in the here and now, as my five year thinks at this point in his life? He doesn’t fully grasp integrity and righteousness (how many of us do?) and so telling the truth, combined with negative consequences will not be his first plan of attack. Who can blame him for choosing to lie? How do you combine consequences to the action of lying but rewards to the efforts of telling the truth?
I don’t know the answers to my questions. At least not yet. But there are a few things that I do know. First, I am grateful that God doesn’t expect me to, nor does He want me to do this alone. He doesn’t leave me floundering in my own weaknesses and inabilities. His Word says in James 1, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all, without finding fault.” What a joy to have the Ultimate Entity of wisdom pouring out His thoughts and knowledge into my heart and mind!
Second, I am extremely grateful for my husband, my partner, who loves our boys every bit as much as I do. I am thankful to be parenting with such a wise person, and a man of integrity who I can bounce ideas off of and turn to for help. I am thankful that I can pass issues off to him, not in the hope of getting out of a situation, but in an effort to make it as good as it can be because he is far more patient and understanding than I am. He’s a great dad, and he’s so great with our boys.
The third thing is the little sign I saw at my son’s preschool last year. It said, simply, “Catch them being good.” That’s just it, isn’t it? I may not know how to handle lying, or any other issue that rears it’s ugly head, but I do know how to respond to truth and to the courage it takes to speak it to me. I can commend my son on telling the truth and reward him for his actions. And, to take it a step further, my husband and I have been “creating” scenarios to allow era to tell us the truth. For example, hovering near the door to the bathroom, hearing him wash his hands before leaving the room, and asking him, “Era, did you wash your hands after going to the bathroom?” Era can confidently answer, in truth, “Yes, I did!” We can praise his efforts and his willingness to tell us the truth. Sometimes, in this scenario, we know that he didn’t take the time to wash his hands, and era knows that we know. It gives him an opportunity to tell us the truth that no, he didn’t wash his hands. But, because it’s not a life altering issue, the consequences are straight-forward and the lesson is clear. Be brave and speak truth at all times. It’s great to commend him for being honest and courageous in this situation.
Fourth, I am sensing that there isn’t a flat answer to this issue. I don’t think if era lies, I automatically do this. I think that each situation is unique in it’s rewards and consequences. This isn’t a huge comfort to me because it means I can’t be prepared for what might come my way. It isn’t always cut and dry, or black or white. I feel like decisions need to be made on an as needed basis, not in advance. Not as easy as an a + b = c life formula.
And finally, I need to concentrate on what’s best for my son and for our family. I have a tendency to care about how others would want me to respond in a situation. However, I need to respond how it’s best for us, and how my reaction will be of the greatest benefit for my son, our relationship and the lessons he can learn in any particular experience, even if it means responding differently than someone else thinks I should. It may mean honoring the truth that my child has told me over giving consequences to a wrong inflicted on someone else.
I know this isn’t the only issue that I will face with my son. I mean, he’s only 5 and he can’t stay perfect forever, can he? I can only entrust him to the Most High God, who loves him with a perfect love and a deeper love than I can ever comprehend.

cja’s Appointment

reneeandjace — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 15:15:38 +0000

Thank you for your prayers while we traveled and saw the ophthamologist yesterday. I felt a lot of peace prior to his appointment and I know it was because we were being lifted up in prayer. cja was really good for the most part when he was with the doctor. She got accurate results because he was calm and cooperative.
We heard some good news and some not so good news at cja’s eye appointment. The good news is that cja’s eyesight is improving each time we go. He is still farsighted but within the normal limits for his age. That pleases me because there can be vision loss associated with strabismus, and I’m glad that’s not the case with cja.
The bad news was that his wandering eyes are worse yet. Unfortunately, the eye patching has not been effective enough and he will require surgery. My poor little boy! This makes Mommy’s heart very sad. His surgery is scheduled for April 2nd at the Children’s Hospital (that brings me a little bit of relief-it is such a great hospital). It is a day surgery meaning we can potentially come home the same day of his operation.
We are still talking it over, how to involve era in this process. Should we bring him with us so he can be close to us? Will it be harder on him to be away from us when he knows what’s going to happen to his brother? Then again, should we spend this time focused on cja and on each other? We are praying for God’s direction on what’s best for both of our boys. Please pray for us to have clarity and unity with our thoughts and decisions.

Pray For cja

reneeandjace — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 18:47:18 +0000

When cja was a couple of months old, and he was awake for longer periods of time, I started to notice that his eyes were out of sync. It was almost as if he wasn’t focusing correctly at times, and then the next time I looked, he was fine. Any time I took a picture of him, though, I could clearly see that picture captured something wrong with his eye.
In February of last year, we took him for his first eye appointment with a specialist. At that appointment, she noted the discrepancies in his eyes, diagnosed it as strabismus, and sent us on our way with instructions to patch his weak eye for an hour everyday, and we all thought that would take care of it. The next couple of months were filled with an hour long struggle to occupy cja while he wore the eye patch for an hour. He earned the nick name of “fast hands” due to his lightening quick reflexes and his amazing ability to snatch the eye patch off his face in a blink of an eye. It was a frustrating hour each day because our normally sweet little boy became a frustrated and crabby little boy. But, his eyes were improving, and I got relaxed and started patching him less often (shame on me, I know) and life carried on. At the next appointment, he was doing so well, the doctor figured she’d check him one more time, in six months, and then discharge him from her caseload.
This was not the case in October when we last visited the specialist. Not only was his original problem worse, the other eye seemed to be veering off as well and the doctor was definitely more concerned. cja was really tired that morning so the affects were heightened (which is good, I suppose -the specialist got to see him at his worst), which made the picture as clear as it was going to get. We left that appointment with instructions to patch everyday, alternating eyes each time. I’ve been quite diligent about getting the patch on almost every day, and we’ve gone through many boxes of eye patches, had many fights with our little boy, but I haven’t seen much improvement since October.
On Wednesday, we head back to the specialist again. This time, she is going to repeat the full eye exam that she did when she saw cja for the first time last year. That means using eye drops to dilate the pupil, and holding him down so she can take an extensive look in both his eyes. I can guarantee a grumpy little boy and exasperated parents, and a frazzled doctor! This appointment will determine what course of action to take next. We can continue patching in hopes that his eyes will strengthen and improve, or we can pursue the option for surgery to permanently correct this problem. Both options are daunting, yet, thankfully, his condition is treatable. But, it’s still my little boy we’re talking about and it’s something that affects his eyes- his eyes!- and it weighs heavily on my heart.
Would you pray for cja? Would you pray for safe travels to and from the appointment? Would you pray for Dr. S to make the right diagnosis? That she would have the discernment and knowledge to suggest the appropriate next step? Pray that God would guide her thoughts and actions? Would you pray for cja, that he would be as cooperative as an 18 month old being held down by several people can be? And would you pray that this problem would be corrected, that cja would have no lasting negative affects and that his eyes and his body would be kept in God’s protection?

AS you can tell by all of the pictures of cja, his eyes are out of sync. When a light is shone into your eyes, it should hit the pupils equally, which it does not do in cja’s eyes. He still is pretty cute, though, isn’t he?!

Merry Christmas

reneeandjace — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 14:15:29 +0000

Merry Christmas to all of our friends and family. I pray that as I seek to know Jesus more this holiday season, that He will reveal part of Himself to you and to me. May your heart be changed by the profound Gift of His Son this Christmas. Blessings!

Christmas

reneeandjace — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 14:35:28 +0000

Christmas is coming. Yikes! I am not even close to being ready this year. Christmas cards: not done. Christmas shopping: not done. Christmas baking: not done. I’m trying hard not to stress about everything, but I’m feeling the pressure, I gotta admit.
My husband and I made a decision about Christmas this year. Basically, it’s to scale back. Not as many presents for each other and certainly not as many presents for our boys. First off, cja doesn’t know any different. Watching him play with the Communion cups on Sunday at church was another reminder that he doesn’t need anything elaborate or expensive, but something simple pleases him. He digs spoons at the restaurants and boxes for him to put stuff in. Why fight that?
Last year, we overdid it with era. We bought him so many fun things and had such fun doing it. By the time the end of the gift giving was done, era was a different kid, one I didn’t like so much. Quite frankly, he was spoiled, and my heart hurt at his reaction, but more importantly, my reaction. I didn’t like my son for a few minutes and I was the one who caused it.
Last week, when era and I decorated the house for Christmas, we pulled out the Nativity to set up. The details of the manger were not as clear to him or to me as we worked, and I was affirmed in my heart to scale back now while era is young and teachable. Jesus is the reason we celebrate Christmas and an abundance of gifts and treats clouds that purpose. I am thankful to family and friends who understand my concerns and have joined with me to make Christmas about thankfulness and about being aware of the amazing Gift that came to earth so many years ago. I am praying for my boys to be blessed this year; may they feel the excitement and wonder of the profound Present of Jesus as a babe in a manger, coming to earth to make a way for my boys to go to heaven. May this gift be first and foremost in their minds and hearts this Christmas. Amen.

Worship

reneeandjace — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 14:42:38 +0000

I am singing on a Worship team again this coming Sunday. It feels good to be back. It’s a privilege to be on a team that is highly talented and has a gifted leader. I thoroughly enjoyed the practice earlier this week and felt really welcomed, which always helps boost my confidence.
On Sunday, we’ll be singing one of my most favorite songs, ever. Have you ever heard a song that you feel you could’ve written yourself, the words are so right and close to your heart? The song, “How Great Thou Art,” in any version, is one of two of those songs for me. I love the words and even if I’m singing it in my home, I can’t help but praise God because He is SO great. Here’s the version we’re doing:

In case you were wondering, here’s the other song that I feel was written just for me. God touches my heart every time I hear it:

1st Report Card

reneeandjace — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 04:04:55 +0000

My era got his first report card today. Here’s what his teacher had to say about him…

It is a great pleasure to have a wonderful boy like era in our class. He is a strong student and is consistently progressing in all areas. He listens attentively and tries to follow directions carefully. He clearly understands the things we talk about during 7 Habits lessons and remembers to be polite and proactive every day. Because era is thoughtful, cooperative and kind, he is well-liked by his classmates and works well in groups. Wherever era goes, calm and sunny weather is sure to be found!

What an awesome report! This Mommy (and era’s Daddy) are pretty proud of our kindergartener!

Skating

reneeandjace — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 15:19:13 +0000

Yesterday, era’s kindergarten class went skating. It was era’s first time on skates and he did so good! I was so proud of him! He only fell twice, and that was mainly from tripping over the tripod he was using to skate with, and he tried really hard and had a good attitude the whole time out on the ice! I was a pretty proud Mommy!

Can you see the sparkle in his eyes? He had such a great time!
I think I’m going to use this time of tagging along with my son’s class to put my own skates back on and use cja’s stroller for something to hang on to! It’s been a few years since I’ve been on skates and I think this will be a great family activity so I need to brush up on my skills!

Enjoying My Time

reneeandjace — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 17:47:28 +0000

It’s been one week since my husband left for Africa. We are almost halfway there to when he comes home and life returns to normal. It’s been a long week without much time to myself, having two busy boys to care for, hence, the long intervals between posts.
Having said that, I do have to admit, that I am enjoying my time with my boys. They really are very well behaved, considerate and kind kids who make single parenting as pleasant as possible. Oh yes, my little cja is a stinker, causing all sorts of trouble, but he’s so gosh darn cute that it’s hard not to laugh at his antics and be pleased by his ability to be winsome and sweet! And, my heart melts when I hear era tell me he loves me frequently though the day, almost sensing that I am missing my husband and he needs to show me some love. Don’t get me wrong; I can’t wait for my husband to get home so we can be a family of 4 again, and I’m surely looking forward to reading a book while my hubby looks after the boys, but I am enjoying the moment, savoring the memories and praising God for the two amazing kids He’s blessed me with!

Fall Photos

reneeandjace — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 18:05:15 +0000

180 pictures later, here is the best out of the lot…
Has anyone else figured out that making a 15 month old child smile on command, while looking into the camera, keeping his eyes open, all at the same time, by yourself, is a near impossible feat?
In all seriousness, I hope you enjoy my boys even just a touch as much as I do!

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